The trip that easily could have not been - Part 1 of many

 An uncertain start

It was the first time that everything had been planned well in advance. When I say everything, I mean everything – the flight tickets to and from Jaipur were booked, the travel by train to Sawai Madhopur ticketed, the overnight stay at Jaipur reserved, the resort at Ranthambhore arranged and the safaris were paid for. All we had to do as Praveen mentioned was to get our asses there and have a good time.

Everything went smoothly or so I perceived. There was no hiccup expected. I had also mailed Tanveer informing him of my absence for the last week of April. Tanveer had joked “Why do you have to send me that? As far as I see it, both of us will be out of this project by then.” It was not to be. There cannot be anything called a smooth passage to your vacation as long as you work here. Once I had withdrawn a trip to Sri Lanka a year and a half back. Some petty reason it was. As it has always been. I do not remember that now but I do remember it being a silly one. I also remember me buying into the reason. I genuinely believed my being there was going to shape the world into a better place. I was young in the corporate world. I still am but a little bit more wiser to understand it doesn’t matter. All the more so at my level.

The next planned vacation also had met with a lot of resistance. This time the reason was a little more stronger or at least I felt so. I even jokingly told my then manager that if he continues to throw a spanner in the works, I will have no alternative than to put in my papers. I was naïve. I didn’t know better back then. Resignation wasn’t a thing to talk about in such a casual fashion. Atleast not invoke it as a threat. Another lesson was learnt. But the trip did go as planned. At least the dates of travel did. The rest of the trip was planned on the fly. We reached Ahmedabad and decided to structure our vacation as we saw fit and we enjoyed it very much. Each and every one of us.

So, as I was saying, Tanveer called me on the weekend before to open a conversation about a meeting scheduled for the following Friday. And that was bang in the middle of my trip. I hesitantly reminded him my plans. What pissed me off was not him mentioning my being the only resource on the project, thereby the need for my taking the responsibility. I was well aware of that. But the fact that he nonchalantly remarked about how my plans had totally slipped his mind. I almost “Wow”ed aloud. The rest of the conversation was him explaining his storyline for the deck and my saying OK. Frankly I don’t think I heard a word of what he said after “totally slipped my mind”.

Come Monday. We meet up and Tanveer casually asks me as to whether I had cancelled my arrangements for the trip. I said no and I wanted to discuss that with him. “Good. Because the meeting has been postponed by 2 weeks. You can go ahead now”. And that was when my mind became light again. The worst part is that I was worried and angry not because of what Tanveer had said on the weekend but because of a thought kindled by a conversation I had with Pranay. He always asks the simplest questions in an easy and frank manner. And there is no escaping the burden of truth these questions brings. “Before you put your foot down and tell Tanveer I am going to Ranthambhore come what may, are you sure that you are not thinking of canceling you trip and sacrificing it for some meeting?” enquired Pranay. “Are you worried Tanveer may give you a bad appraisal just because you do not cancel this trip? If that is so then it is a blot on his managerial abilities and not you”. Well we’ve all heard of the good that showing the mirror to someone brings. I think this was precisely that moment. The bugger had read my mind perfectly and asked me the most pertinent of questions. I got a little angry on him but didn’t obviously show it on the phone. I have never been that guy who gives people frank opinions. Two more of my oldest friends have done that to me in the past and I’ve loved them for that. Guess now Pranay adds on to that list. But more importantly these questions from Pranay also raised several others. Realization over what made me angry came later. Have I become a corporate slave? Have I bought into this nonsensical idea that work comes before everything? What made me unsure of myself and hesitate when reminding Tanveer about my plans? Am I not entitled to the 2 days off after working my backside off for the better part of 2 years, letting 10 days of paid leave lapse and with 39 possible leaves available at that exact moment in time? Is this fear of saying no going to continue forever?

I was finally thankful that the opportunity didn’t arise for standing my ground against Tanveer over this trip business. I did not want to create an altercation/ scene where at the end of it, the plan is cancelled and the deck is prepared grudgingly. I worry a lot, yes. Maybe more than necessary and maybe for things which are not worth worrying so much about. And I postpone my decisions a lot, unwilling to catch the bull by its horns and ultimately react to situations than be proactive. This has resulted in a lot of irritation in the past. I have lived with it. But, the need to change this is imminent and I know so for a fact. I also am confident that this will most definitely be the biggest impediment in my path to success. But my ability to procrastinate and delay the necessary wins almost always. But anyway things did turn out smoothly for a change and I am now here at Ranthambhore recounting the incidents of the past few days and the invaluable lessons learnt over its course.